I've been overweight my entire life. It's not something I'm proud of...but it is what it is. Can I blame my parents? Sure. They could have made better choices for me as a child. BUT...I'm an adult now...and the only person I can blame for this continuing is myself. I take responsibility for me. It's not my mom's fault...or the fast food industry...or any other ridiculous excuses I've heard and or made. It's mine and mine alone now. I'll be 28 years old in less than a week...how dare I...or anyone else try to put the blame on someone else?
I think one of the things that gets me is that...many people with a weight problem are seen as lazy...gluttons...etc. Is that true...sure, but not 100% of the time. I think sometimes...people just give up on themselves. My biggest problem...emotional eating. I've done it since I was a kid...It got me through my parents horrendus marriage, lost of loved ones, and any other tramatic event I can think of. It's time to break that cycle.
I started Weight Watchers in October. At that time...I had gotten up to my highest weight of all time...310lbs. (I'll wait for your jaw to come up off the ground...) I've never hit that kind of low (or high in this case). I've never weight that much in my life. I'm sure you're curious what happened...
Pregnancy happend...and then Post Partum Depression REALLY happened.
Before I got pregnant...I started loosing weight...finally and consistantly. Obviously when you have another human growing inside of you...that goes out the window...now multiply that by 2. It wasn't the acutal pregnancy that made me gain so much weight. I gained a total of 60lbs, for a twin pregnancy...not too shabby. After I had my C-section and I lost all of the extra swelling and water weight...I gained probably about 35lbs. 4 weeks or so after I had the twins I had gotten a really bad case of bronchitis and went to the doctor...much to my surprise...not only had I lost those 35lbs in 4 weeks...I had lost 45lbs in 4 weeks.
My son spent the first week of his life in the NICU...he weighed in at only 4lbs 11oz (They were full term at 38 weeks). Undoubtedly the worst week of my life as I went back and forth from home to hospital between two children. This is what sparked the PPD. I was elated when we finally got to bring him home...but also incredibly overwhelmed with 2 infants. We were living with my mother at the time...she went to work at 2pm...my husband left for work at Noon. I was alone with two screaming infants from 1:30 until 8:30 at night alone. Occasionally I'd get some help from my brother and his wife...but I felt isolated, depressed, lonely...and scared...I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't have one baby to screw up...I had two. Add that plus two extremely colicy babies...and you have a recipe for disaster. I stopped eating...I stopped sleeping. I was like a walking zombie...(*Note...I would go through it again for those two little monsters. Whatever I wen through or continue to go through doesn't compare to the love I have for them and the love they give me.)
Then I went back to work...and I sunk even lower. I missed my babies...not only was I only getting 3 hours of sleep a night...but then I was working 40 hours a week...at a Job that was new...and I hated (Luckily...my past employer rescued me with my old position back). I felt like a horrible mother because someone else was raising my children instead of me. So now that I was back to work and wasn't focused on the twins...I started eating again...and not good things...fast food, take out...etc. Which lead me to reach the highest weight of my life. Some other health issues snapped me out of it...and after speaking with my doctor...(and my other choice being a Gastric Bypass) I joined Weight Watchers the next day.
Since October...I've lost 20lbs. I wont lie...I'm dissapointed that it's not more. I've spent the last month loosing and gaining the same 3 lbs over and over. It's taking some adjustements getting used to the new Weight Watchers plan...and finding out what foods and combinations work best for me...and readjusting portion sizes, etc. But I have no doubt that once I get this under control...I can then continue to get my weight under control and hope to be to a normal weight by my Birthday next year. (My goal is 135lbs...but I'll be more than happy to be around the 150lb mark)
I still battle depression...every day...My doctor put me on an anti-depressant...which has changed a LOT for me...I don't feel so desperate, hopless or anxious anymore. But it's still a battle. A battle that I fight with myself every day. But I'm confident that with the support of Weight Watchers...and my incredible and supportive Husband...I can get my life back.
(My Everything)
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